did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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