So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
