there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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