Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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