I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
