woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
