Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
