My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
