please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
