dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
