Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
