In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
