Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
