giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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