I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
