I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
