remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
