so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
