That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she told me i tasted like america
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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