I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
