Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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