end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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