Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
