paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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