I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
