She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
