my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
