my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We had sex on a dog bed..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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