i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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