Umm I'm too high to move.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
