Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
