wanna go halves on a baby?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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