You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
