Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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