I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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