the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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