I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
