So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
