May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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