3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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