you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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