I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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