I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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