Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
