Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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