they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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