At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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