Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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