bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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