To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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