I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
