honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That's when you crack a 10am beer
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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