The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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