3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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