I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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