We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
