theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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