PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
