Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
