I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
