at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
