Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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