I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
