The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
MIDGETS
????
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize