Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My balls are so social today.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
