just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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