If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
