His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
