I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
