My sheets look like a crime scene.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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