dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
