Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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