please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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