Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize