i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
