I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
