physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
