dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
