Are we in a gay sports bar?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You have to summon your inner elephant
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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