remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
