I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
