But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
