I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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