My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
