Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
