He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
