Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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