Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
