is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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