I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
