i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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