No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize