he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
