...so i touched it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
