the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
